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Friday, August 8th, 2008
3:21 pm - I hate that bitch

evangeline_09
I really hate my mom. She is controlling, she is a hypocrite, and makes my life hell. She verbally abused me ever since I was a child. She can't handle a single one of my flaws. She compares me to other kids and says that I am worthless. Then she asks me why can't be more social when it's very obvious that I don't have much self-esteem because she constantly puts me down. I hate her.

Sure, she's provided. Food. But that's about it. Anyone can provide food. She thinks she is the best because my dad and I have to listen to her. She also thinks she is a victim of spousal abuse, when she herself is the abuser. My dad and I have to put up with her crap every day. She disgusts me so much I want to vomit on her. She is the reason my family is falling apart. My dad seizes every chance he gets to retreat to his workplace because he is tired of her bitching at him. Now she is blaming him for everything including their arranged marriage which has FAILED.

At times, she acts sweet, but I know better that it's all a facade. To her, I'm worth nothing because of my grades. She thinks that the Honors Classes are like the salvation from the apocalypse or whatever and constantly complains that I should have been in an honors class like so and so. Last year, I got A's in ALL my regular classes. Just because I dropped out of Honors Geometry to go to regulars she always says that I can't take the heat and says that my math is horrible because it's a C. What the f--- woman? Are you blind? It's an A!

I wish she would die. I'm waiting for that. Until then, I have the internet at my disposal to vent.

current mood: aggravated

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Wednesday, November 1st, 2006
10:45 am - all the same

tomyfutureself
whoa... this community is really small, strange..
oh well, I like it, but it seems dead :/

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Friday, February 24th, 2006
12:10 pm

sweetly_pink
I needed a place to find others who have issues with their mothers.
I'm 22 and my mother is still emotionally and verbally abusive. She still can make me cry and make me feel litte.
I wish I had the money to move out.. but I don't.

I need friends who can understand and relate.

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Thursday, January 6th, 2005
8:57 am

queenofcali
Hello everyone,

Boy, am I ever glad to find this community. My relationship with my mother has been strained since I can remember, and now I'm at a breaking point.

I am getting married July 23 of this year. My mother is doing everything she can to avoid coming. This isn't anything out of the norm for her, since she and my step-dad blew off my college graduation and my engagement as well. She's trying to tell me that she can't travel (I live in California, she lives in Connecticut) because of a car accident she had four years ago...it would be too painful. Yet she is a musician (harpist) and plays at other people's weddings for hours and hours. She is just not interested in my life, in me as a person, nothing. She is more involved in strangers' lives than in mine. It hurts so much, and there's nothing I can do about it.

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Tuesday, September 28th, 2004
3:23 pm - Hi

spninbug
Hello. Im new to this community. Theres so much stuff going on in my life right now its imaginable in a soap opera. Well Im 20, have a great job, great car, college student and I thought life was perfect. Well my mom hates my fiancee. Ive been dating him secretely for 2 years now and Ive been happier than ever. She keeps threatening me to choose between my car/schooling and my fiancee. I cant afford my car or schooling cause I work little hours due to school. And my fiancee is not situated financially yet. But it hurts that Im planning a wedding and I cant invite her. I have no family on my side coming to my wedding. I have no one to give me away cause I dont have a dad. And she turned my uncle against me. She told me that none of my family members will accept him. She doesnt like him because hes a bit older than me. But so what? We're both happy and in love and Ive never felt like this before. I would rather be with him and no family than to marry someone, have a traditional family and be miserable. I tried talking to her and she refuses to listen to anything I have to say. All she dose is threaten me. Im sick and tired of it. She treats me like a little kid. I appreciate everything she has done for me, believe me I do. But the one thing that I want I cant have. In my wedding reception, I would like to at least dance a song with my own mother. I just know that it never will happen. No matter how hard I try or convince her, shes just stubborn. What should I do? This really hurts me.

current mood: Hurt

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Sunday, April 25th, 2004
1:21 pm

mjwilliamson
I'm getting really sick of my mother's negativity. She never ceases to find fault in everything that I do. I sent her this email after I hung up the phone on her the other day:

Mom,

I want to apologize for being so short with you the other night. I was overwhelmed by the course of the last couple of days, and stressed out from Sandra and Chantell being here. I know that you were just trying to invite me out, and potentially ease my stress, and I was very rude to you.

I also feel like I need to address something though. I know that you are well intentioned, and would never purposely do anything to cause tension between us, or offend me, and it is with the same innocent intent, that I write this. I do not want you to view this as some kind of attack on you, or your character, as that is not why I'm writing it. I'm writing this, to achieve some kind of balance, where you feel your opinion is welcome, and yet, Chad and I don't feel completely undermined.

On a regular basis, things that you have said to me, regarding my children, my house, and about me as a person, have come across as judgmental, and negative. There are times when, even though I know you are just trying to look out for my best interest, and that of my family, I can't help but feel like my every move is under constant scrutiny. I feel like it is hard for you to find something to support me in. I feel like you see the downside in every aspect of my life. If I'm losing weight after having a baby, It's not an accomplishment in your eyes, it's sickly. If I've managed to get tons of gardening done, and all the dishes and laundry, I haven't worked hard enough, because somehow, a child's dirty bum has escaped my attention. Even if Chad has worked really hard on building a beautiful set of bunk beds, it seems that the priority is not commending him on a job well done, but rather pointing out the potential hazard of bars being too far apart. It is very hurtful to both Chad and I, that all too often, you choose to be the one that points a finger at us, undermining our parenting styles, and the way we live our life, rather than being a support for us.

This is very hard for me. I'm not sure how to achieve a balance. I want you to feel free to express yourself with us, and yet, I get very discouraged with the amount of criticism. I know that you likely offer it as "constructive", but the effects, are unfortunately just the opposite. I love you, and value you in my life, and in the life of my family; I just don't know what else to do, other than just be up front about how I feel about this. I'm sure that you will be offended by this email to some extent, and I'm sorry, but I had to say something.

~M

Does this make me a horrible person???? She hasn't written me back.

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Monday, November 25th, 2002
10:10 am

not_in_my_head
Things are getting so much better. I love my mom.

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Thursday, October 31st, 2002
11:15 pm - I need out of here...

sirhcbazz
In the last few minutes, I've gone from happy, to tired as hell, to having one of the worst headakes...it's gotten to the point where I kan't even be in the same room with my mother. Any time I get in a kar with her I feel like I'm going to puke and start breaking out into huge sneezing fits. Her echoing laughter just keeps pounding agianst the inside of my eardrums and pushes my brain against my skull. I've got the startup for myself to get out of here...but only if I kan get a room-mate...and it suks that none of the people I would konsidder rooming with are reliable enuff to aktually trust them with a bill...when I finally find someone...that's it...I'm done...I'll see her onse a month when it komes down to family birthdays...but I don't think I'll be able to even take all of that...ok...headake's gone...sorry, just had to vent...

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Thursday, August 29th, 2002
10:29 am - When will she stop?

not_in_my_head
When will she get out of my life?
When will she cease to cause turmoil?
When I'm 18, I'm changing my name.
When I'm 18, I'm going away.
Because she's caused the pain and is making it stay.
She's caused the pain that won't yet go away.

I want her out,
out of my life.

Why does she choose to make my life so painful?
I want a mother,
the mother I once knew.
This woman killed her,
took her away from me,
took her place,
and wants to kill me, too.

I pray for solace, one day, an escape from her forever; devine.

current mood: hurt

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Tuesday, July 2nd, 2002
12:54 am

not_in_my_head
I haven't talked to her in a long time, but dad tells me that she still talks about how I'm going nowhere. I hate her.

Wednesday I spent the night at my fiance's house, and we took a nap when I got there, and I woke up and woke him up because I had a terrible nightmare about her orchestrating this entire scheme against me, even manipulating one of my good friends. Its kind of funny because she's not that bright and would never be capable of anything so grandiose as in the dream.

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Thursday, May 16th, 2002
10:12 pm - hate...hate...die...grr...phones!!

not_in_my_head
Why did the phone have to be invented, really? I mean, that means that our mothers can call whenever they damn well feel like it, and it fucking pisses me off! She called tonight with the sole purpose of saying how evil Vince is and I JUST FUCKING HATE IT SO FUCKING MUCH!!! I mean, we were having chit-chat before she started in on it, but everything she said was leading up to it. God I fucking hate that woman!!!! So she was asking if he was getting into any trouble, seriously, she said that, and I was just like, "Bye Mom" and hung up. She really thinks she knows so god-damned much, she doesn't know the half of anyhting that has happened in my life, or how much I want her to have a fucking heartattack, or for me to fucking die so I will never have to deal with her fucking shit again!!! FUCK!

current mood: fucking pissed

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Tuesday, May 14th, 2002
10:08 pm

not_in_my_head
Well, I spent the day before mother's day (which is incidentally the day before my birthday as well, with mom at the mall. It was sad, really. She's trying to win me back or something. I just don't love her and she can't accept it. She knows it, but cannot accept it. She even tried to connect over D&D. She even asked about Vincent (whome she despises and who is also my beloved)! Haven't talked to her since, but eh... Happy mother's day and happy birthday! hoo-ray!

current mood: cynical

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Monday, April 8th, 2002
5:17 pm - In The End, I Am My Own Best Parent

mysticchyna
*redundant from my memory of an entry in my journal.

It is quite upsetting to realize that I take better care of my dogs than my birthparents ever did of me. To my credit, it speaks voulumns of how I have survived it all. And it makes my "parent" look quite pathetic.

My stint here is not necessary. Everything is in my journal. I've condensed the most relevant entries in my Memories section. This is my last entry here.

current mood: alone

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Sunday, March 24th, 2002
3:01 am

not_in_my_head
Well this should be interesting. My mom has agreed to come to my next psych. appt. I really hope we can work some of this out, but I think most of it's just me wanting to move out, and her not ready to let me go. If only I were 18...

current mood: whistful

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Tuesday, March 19th, 2002
2:18 am - Fuckity Fuck!!!

mysticchyna
Damn, I REALLY have issues to deal with. The song below, with it's lyrics and good strong beat pretty much say's it all. My mind is racing with really, really bad thoughts. Mayhem and carnige is all the aftermath of my delusional fantasies now. Each time the song loops, a differant scene play's out, but in the end, there is fire burning around me, and I am wearing heavy make up, black, and am playing the drums amoung the dead, beaten and PAID BACK.

I dedicate this song to my "family", especially my birthmother, the spermdoaner, and the wicked Aunt who stole my inherantence.
Take THIS bitches, FUCK
[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<b that/b>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

Damn, I REALLY have issues to deal with. The song below, with it's lyrics and good strong beat pretty much say's it all. My mind is racing with really, really bad thoughts. Mayhem and carnige is all the aftermath of my delusional fantasies now. Each time the song loops, a differant scene play's out, but in the end, there is fire burning around me, and I am wearing heavy make up, black, and am playing the drums amoung the dead, beaten and PAID BACK.

I dedicate this song to my "family", especially my birthmother, the spermdoaner, and the wicked Aunt who stole my inherantence.
Take THIS bitches, FUCK <B THAT/b>

THE GAME

By Motorhead

*It�s time to play the game�
Time to play the game!
It�s all about the game
And how you play it
It�s all about control
And if you can take it
It�s all about your debt
And if you can pay it
It�s all about pain
And who�s gonna make it
I am the game
And you don�t wanna play me
I am control
No way you can shake me
I am your debt
No way you can pay me
I am the pain
And I know you can�t take me*

Look over your shoulder
Get ready to run
Like a good little bitch
From a smoking gun
I am the game
And I�m in cruise
So move on out
You can die like a fool
Try to pick em out
Now who�s it gonna be
Your mother was a sucker why don�t you ask me
Don�t you forget there�s a price you can pay
Cause I am the game
And I want to play

It�s time to play the game
Time to play the game

*(Repeat)

Play the game your gonna be the same
Your gonna change your name
Your gonna die in flames

Time to play the game.
It�s time to play the game
It�s time to play the game
It�s time to play the game
Time to play the game!!


current mood: crazy

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Monday, January 28th, 2002
8:58 pm - Hello, Newbie

mysticchyna
Although a couple of you know me already. There might be some cross entries from my main lj, and depression journals. But I am glad to see now a community directed to the maternal force.
What makes me so distraught is that not only do I not have any siblings (I guess that is good, for "their" sake). I was the only one that had/has to live with the hell that was my life.
Anyway, aside from having no siblings, I have no father, and no mother. That makes for a pretty lonely life. A scary life. An angry, bitter, resentful life.

I am trying to work it all out. Yeah, I've got my pills. Yeah, I've had more shrinks than I care to count. And it all started with two persons who should not have been allowed to breed.

My "mother". When I refer to her, or to my "father" they will always be in quotation marks. But to clarify, as well since I've been in foster care in the past, I will from now on refer to my "mother" as the birthmother, and my "father" as the spermdoaner. Because in fact, aside from DNA/RNA they have contributed nothing to my life. And as a matter of fact, I'm not pleased with the DNA/RNA I've been doled out either. But I can't change that.

I can't change them, or anyone.

Change. It is a scary word. Change, growth, recovery. That is what I am working for.

Toxic mothers. Toxic fathers. Victimized children. The media has brought this to the front page over the last decade. Back in the 1970's it was very on the fence. And before that, very hush hush.
Today, victims have more power, but the cycle still never seems to end.

In future entries I will spew more about my birthmother. But here is the long and the short of it.
She is mentally ill. She is borderline, depression ridden, psychotic, delusional, and an epileptic. She has had brain surgury back which did not help these things. She has been hooked on narcotics since before I was born, and was using durring her pregnancy with me. I have been told I was a full term baby, but it was a difficult pregnancy. I was only 4lbs 10oz.

Due to her mental problems and drug use (mostly prescribed), she was unbearable to live with. The spermdoaner left when I was 5 months old. I was "raised" by a triangle of my birthmother, grandmother, and a revolving door of nannies.
And then there were the men. A whole stable of men. Birthmother was also a prostitute. She has never had a real job. She lives off of the government, and money my evil aunt gives her. The money my aunt stole from the trust fund my grandmother had set up in her will. But my aunt is a whole other rant.

Birthmother would sleep all day, and party all night. She never helped me with my homework. I was often locked outside like a dog. All day, sometimes the neighbors would take me in. It was reported. I would be found wondering the streets in a daze, frumpy clothing, shoes on the wrong feet, etc. This went on until I was six or so.

Flash forward. I'm around 11 1/2, and the molester came on board. I told my grandmother after about six months of it. A few months later, the cat was out of the bag, I was then bounced around to a few shelter homes and foster homes until I settled down in a foster home at the age of 15 until I graduated HS.

My birthmother par for the course, blamed me, accused me of "making it all up", and married the molester. Don't worry, he got his. He was murdered (mafia thing) when I was 16.

Anyway, that is the short of it. If it weren't so long, I would fancy scanning the letter I wrote to her, my aunt, the one to the spermdoaner too, but it would take up too much room. Even for an lj cut.

I will return here when my head is a bit more clear. The whole shebang is in my personal lj, and father specific in nolovefordad
Share?

current mood: numb

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Saturday, January 19th, 2002
11:48 pm - Und keine Eier! ;p

insignificance
Hrm, well heylo. I don't really hate my mom but not long after making nolovefordad, I got a request for one directed towards mothers, and since I made it I feel an obligation to be a member. Go ahead and vent all the same though. And er, have fun? Heheh..

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